You

i really am losing it. it will all work out. we just need to believe. follow our hearts and not our minds. i want to stop seeing you everywhere i go. do you know how freaky that is? to see your spirit, your ghost, follwoing me around, and you're not even dead! this connection is now too strong. it needs to stop. the card wasnt enough, nothing is. what do i need to do to finally convince you that i love you? why cant you understand how i feel and stop haunting me? why must you drive by this house and pretend it no longer exists? why do you make me feel hollow and alone and isolate myself form the world? just because your life is a mess doenst mean you should take it out on me! if you need help getting somewhere just ask me before it is too late. i remember how you smiled when i handed you the envelope. you should have read it. maybe you would have understood. but ,no, you didnt, and now look what happened. it apparently didnt mean much to you, because you still havent responded. how much longer do i have to wait? i shouldnt have had to at all. ive been waiting too long and i cant stand it much longer. im slowly destroying myself and others and its all your fault! if you had been a man and been there for me, none of this would have happened! i cry at least once a week, somtimes almost every day, because i miss you and think of bad tings. when you tell me to think of the good, whats the point? it only makes me cry harder, remembering what is the past and only the past. i see you maybe a couple times a month now. and the excuse is? nothing, nothing at all. i know you're busy and i understand that, but you live right next door and i watch out my window for when your car comes down the road. i know whne you're home. and you just sit there and do nothing. you could have come over any time, but you didnt. i know you're on break and you need to go back. who cares if you're grouded now? whos fault is that? you're the only who does the shit. you could have got csaught. i dont know where you hid it or where it went. im glad you're safe, but you need to grow a brain. its you're future at stake, not mine. you need to learn what is right and what is wrong. you need to stop hiding in the shadows of whatever is blocking you from reality. you need to find out who loves you and let them take care of you. dont knock them down and keep running. stop and take them with you. thats where i want to be. whereever you are, is where i want to be. in your arms, forever and always.

B-K

I WANT MY BIG K!!! Is wat he said on the way off the bus. other words, I want my big kiss. So do I dumb ass. But it didnt happen today. Stay home this fuckin weekend and we'll see about it. You hav def proved you can keep your promises and make my life as enjoyable and wonderful as can b. I love you forever and always, my forever sweetheart.

With You

This would be a good song about me and Kade except for the hitting part cuz that doesnt happen. But the rest of the song describes how I can never stop thinking about him or get him off of my mind day or night. I luv him.

I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static, and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I’m pretending to be where I’m not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
So even though you’re so close to me
You’re still so distant
And I can’t bring you back

It’s true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you’re not with me

I’m with you
You
Now I see keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes

I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor, the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn’t real
Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
So even though you’re close to me
You’re still so distant
And I can’t bring you back

It’s true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you’re not with me

I’m with you
You
Now I see keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes

I’m with you
You
Now I see keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes

No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we've come, I
I can't wait to see tomorrow

I’m with you
You
Now I see keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes (x2)

I AM EMO

My survey (4 Sam's eyes ONLY!)

Best MySpace Survey

►Basic Info◄
Name: Kristen
gender: female
b-day: December 29th
age: 13
hair color: red
eye color: green
ethnicity: white
strait, bi, or gay: straight
height: 5 5 1/2
weight: 110
current city: Mills River
hometown: Corwnwall
small town or large town: small
preppy, emo, or athletic: all 3
►Favs◄
color: blue
movie: The Lost Boyz
tv show: Criss Angel/Knight Rider
animal: dog
website: facebook, youtube, myspace
food: idk
drink: strawberry milk
car: lambo/camero/corvette/mustang
day of the week: Saturday
band: Linkin Park
song: anything LP
album: Hybrid Theory
video game: Dark Sky
instrument: electric guitar
►About your friends◄
Craziest: Miri,Carrie,Christina
nicest: Miri,Catie, Sam, KADE
coolest: Sam/Miri/KADE
loudest: KADE! Carrie, Aury (GOOD LORD! HES LOUD!)
most shy: Moriah
blondest: Carrie
best boy friend: KADE,Mike, Bannie
best girl friend: Sam/Miri/Catie/Christina
known the longest: Sam
known the shortest: Victoria
friend you can always trust: Sam
friend you can't trust: Carrie
friend that knows you the best: Sam/Miri
friend you like more than a friend: KADE
►Last...◄
person u huuged: Miri
person you kissed: KADE
thing you said: shitbucket
person that called you: Miri
person that you called: Catie
thing you ate: pop tart
thing you drank: milk
time you cussed: now
time you cried: yesterday
person you dated: b4 KADE, it waz Fabian
person you talked to: Miri
►This or that◄
summer or winter: summer
mcdonalds or burger king: i hate fast food
kfc or lees: i hate chicken!
rock or rap: rock
dog or cat: i like both
coke or pepsi: i hate soda
cellphone or ipod: both
ocean or pool: pool
black or white: black
chocolate or vinilla: vinilla
lollipop or gum: lollipop
tv or movie: movie
facebook or myspace: facebook
youtube or livevideo: youtube
windows live messenger or aim: aim
gold or silver: gold
hd-dvd or blu-ray: idk
►Random stuff!◄
what are you listening to: Vlaentines Day
ever did a prank call: all the time
would you ever want to president: no way
do you think Mtv should play more music: yeah
have you laughed at nothing: yup
►Have you ever...◄
been in a car wreck: yes
cussed someone out: LOL YEAH!
been dumped: no i do the dumpin
stayed up all night: yup
slept till noon: yup
stayed home from skool wen you weren't sick: lol whenever i dont want to go
been heart-broken: yes
hung-up on someone: yup!
been beaten up: no
been bullied: yup
food piosoning from a resturant: nope
fell asleep in class: yes!
had a detention: no i'm a straight A student
been suspended: could hav been but wasnt
been expeled: no
argued with a teacher: yes
argued with your parents: a lot
had a pet: yeah
smashed something: yes!
dated: duh!
had a boyfriend/girlfriend: i do now
wished that you could relive something: yes
wished upon a star: i've done that b4
begged for something: yes
lost someone close to you: yes
cried in public: yeah
flipped someone off: lol yeah!
have ever wished a survey was shorter?: yeah this 1!

Fill out this survey yourself
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From the Inside

This is a awesome music video. I luv the part when he is yelling " I WON'T WASTE MYSELF ON YOU!" That's when he yells it and everyone dies. His son is in this video too. Chester's killing everyone with his voice by screaming when he says, "YOU" everyone falls over. The kid is just smiling. That's wat u get for drinking milk. LOL. Gundem all the way!!!

I don’t know who to trust no surprise
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

Tension is building inside steadily
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

I won’t waste myself on you
You
You
Waste myself on you
You
You

I’ll take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

Everything from the inside and just throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you
You
You

Somewhere I Belong

This song in my opinion is saying that when your life gets so bad and you cant take it anymore, you just want everything to get better, but sometimes it doesn't. So when it doesn't, and you cant take it anymore, its time to kill yourself. Thats wat one of the end lines is saying. "I will never know myself until I do this on my own" "And I will never find anything else until my wounds are healed" "I will never be anytihng till I break away from me" "I will break away, I'll find myself tonight" I luv trying to find the meanings of songs. Especaily Linkin Park. They hav such interesting songs and I luv to try to find out wat they mean.

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

Valentine's Day

U would think that this song would be about love. but its not. its about Chester losing his father when he waz very young. its really sad too. u can hear the pain in his voice. its a sad song, but i luv it.

My insides all turned to ash, so slow
And blew away as I collapsed, so cold
A black wind took them away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night

And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
I used to be my own protection, but not now
Cause my path had lost direction, somehow
A black wind took you away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night

And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
And the ground below grew colder
As they put you down inside
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

So now you're gone, and I was wrong
I never knew what it was like, to be alone

On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
(I used to be my own protection, but not now)
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
(Cause my mind has lost direction, somehow)
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
(I used to be my own protection, but not now)
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
(Cause my mind has lost direction, somehow)

My December

Linkin Park is a mu metal/heavy matal band. Most of their songs are yelling but there are a few lower toned songs, such as Easier to Run and Breaking the Habbit. They do have yelling in them but not constant. I found one song by them though that is really peaceful and has no yelling. It is one tone all the way through and it is so soothing. It is called My December. This song allows you to hear the true beauty of Chester's voice. I luv it. Here it is.

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

Linkin Park rocks!

Linkin Park is my new all time favorite band. They are classified as mu metal/heavy metal. I have never been more addicted. Even the Jonas Brothers i havent been able to lsten to every single songs on all their CD's without skpping at least one. That's how awesome Linkin Park is. i can listen to every single song on all of their CD's. Hybrid Theory and Metorea are so awesome! I luv them! I listen to both every day and always play Hybrid Theory when I go to bed. It helps me fall asleep. Especially, durng the week when never fall asleep. Chester Bennington is the best! He is known for his numerous tattoos and body peircngs. He has a lip ring and has hs ears peirsed. Practically every part of hs body his covered n tattoos. His back, his chest, his arms, you name it. He s also known for his black framed glasses and amazing voice. He is the only celeberty I know (and member of a band) there wears glasses. He looks good in them too. I luv everthing about him. He always stands out and is unique and different from anyone I know. I really admire and like him so much. From the lip ring, to the tattoos, to the glasses, to his amazing and powerful voice, Chester Bennington is my hero. I want to thank him for creating such awesome music and bringing joy to my life. Linkin Parks music makes me happy and I luv to sing along. I am going to join Lnkin Park Underground and am gaurenteeed to be at one of their upcoming concerts, in the front row yelling and singing along with my hero, Chester Bennington.

Jonas Brothers no more

Okay, so i used to luv the Jonas Brothers. I really did, for like 6 months or something. I became so obsessed wth them that i started to find out the bad things about them without meaning to. Everyone knows Nick has Diabetes. But what you didnt know is that he has other problems too that he is trying to hide. His bros were always there for him and wanted Nick to get help. Nick wanted people to feel bad for him though. He goes and acts so sweet and innocent and makes people fall for his dumb lame lines. Joe has been takng Nick's illness very hard and has been donw lately, even seen crying at concerts for no obvious reason. A Little Bit Longer would apparently make him cry, but regular songs like Hello Beautiful, no! Nick could care less though. He doesnt give a shit what hes puttng his bro through. All he cares about is that there r enough commersials about Diabetes and enough speeches being made about it. Now, Joe, who has always cared about Nick, is ignoring him. Nick is upset about this, but do u really blame Joe? Kevin, meanwhile Nick is dying from unknown causes and Joe is losing his head, being happy! What normal person would be happy while your family his falling apart. He's just so happy all the time, acting like nothing's wrong at all, when really, every thing is wrong! He's trying to convince hmself everything wll be fine, when it never wil be. The Jonas Brothers make me sick! I hate them so much. I am going to laugh my head off when their fame comes to an end and they r exposed as the evl, lying scumbags they really are.

The Invisible Town Called Invint

I have come up with an new idea for my next novel. Believe it or not, I got my idea from a video from youtube based on Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I wrote this story in 4th grade, but it was only a couple of pages. Now I am going to rewrite it into something much more. The title of it is going to be the same as the 1 I wrote in 4th grade: The Invisible Town Called Invint. There is going to be one character ( I have not decided on a name yet) that works in Invint for the evil ruler. He does not do it willingly. He is forced. One day he sneeks out of Invint and meets the second main character ( Shio or Shia) who is a spy that just got out of the hopital from a serious injury on his last adventure. Conor is asked to be a double agent, but Conor turns down the offer. He is bound to Invint and the ruler would know if he betrade him. Conor shows them his tatoo ( which is his mark of service to Invint). Shio goes undercover in Invint. Conor is asked to protect Shio while he is in Invint. While there, Conor is forcd to kill three enemies. Shio witnesses and keeps his distance from Conor. Shio is attacked by enemies and Conor saves his life. Fro m now on they meet secretly, plotting how to destroy Invint. Later on, they agree to kill the leader. Shio ges cursed, but both still go after leader. Shio once again is seriously injured, leaving Conor to fight the leader. He cannot defeat him himself. Shio uses up every once of strength left in him to help Conor defet the leader. The leader dies and Shio collaspes. The kingdom falls. Conor uses the life pack he stole from the leader on Shio. The king's servent's come in and take Conor away. He is sentenced to death. Shio gets thrown out of Invint since they think he is already dead. Once Shio recovers, he sneaks back into Invint to rescue Conor. Their friendship is tested as they escape. Shio finds out how to destroy Invint. They enter the forbidden tower as guards and kill the enemies. Then thye destroy Invint. Invint explodes. Conor and Shio wake up in the real world and go back to spy center. Conor becomes a spy and they begin to work together. They vowel to never, ever take on an invisible town again.

This is just my notes on how I'm going to write the story. I might change it as I get new ideas, but that's what I have for now. I probably will add some new things in there as I begin to write it. I am not going to begin to write it until I'm done with my final copyy of My Brother's Secret though.

What do you think of this prolouge?

My Brother's Secret

here's a segment from my new book.

Imemdiently gunfire broke out. They had to be outnumbered big time.

I took a glance from behind the boxes. Mke and Rick were shooting like professionals. There were only four of Death Valley. Steve was nowhere to be seen.

Rick shot someone in the shoulder and he fell. Then he jumped behind smoe boxes and advanced on a new target.

Mike jumped behind a pile of craits, narrowly missing five bullets meant for his chest. Then he started shooting and hit a guy full in the chest, who collasped immediently.

Another guy tookk out a machine gun and started firing at Mike, who had to duck for cover.

Rick shot his target in the arm and ran for the guy with tthe machine gun, who now had it pointed at Mike. Before he could shoot him, Rick pulled the trigger and nailed him in the back.

Mike got on his knees so he could see over the pile of craits and yelled, "Rick! Behind you!"

Rick spun around, ready to shoot, but wasn't fast enough. The guy he had shot in the arm pulled the trigger off his own gun, hitting Rick's left shoulder. He dropped his gun, grabbing his shoulder in agony, and fell to the ground.

A yell of fury erupted from Mikre, who jumped out form behind the pile of craits and shot the guy twice in the chest.

As he fell, three more guys came out of nowhere, all shooting at Mike. Once again, Mike dived for cover behind the pile of craits. He reloaded his gun, then jumped out from behind the craits and started shooting. He hit all three of them, one after the other. Mikke tturned around, ready to go to Rick.

Finally, I saw him. Steve Lowland, running towards Mike with an evil German grin on his face.

"Mike look out!" I yelled.

"Oh damn," Nick said.

Mike spun around, just as Steve plowed him to the ground. He put his hands around Mike's neck and began to strangle him.

Rick grabbed his gun, lifted his arm off the ground, and fired at steve two times, each bullet hitting him in the head. He fell over sideways and moved no more. Rick dropped his gun and clutched his wounded shoulder again.

Mike sat up and looked at Steve. Blood was pouring from his head into the increasingly large puddle that covered the ground.